From my forty years’ experience as a clinician, I have found one of the primary reasons male depression often goes unrecognized, undiagnosed, and untreated is that most depressed men act out their depression by becoming irritable, angry, and withdrawn, while women tend to act in their depression and become anxious, sad, and teary. Women’s response often brings sympathy and support, while men are often viewed as mean rather than depressed (see table).
Comparing Men’s and Women’s Responses to Depression | |
|---|---|
Women tend to: | Men tend to: |
Blame themselves for problems | Blame others for problems |
Feel sad and tearful | Feel irritable and unforgiving |
Sleep more than usual | Have trouble sleeping or staying asleep |
Be vulnerable and easily hurt | Be suspicious and guarded |
Try to be nice | Be overtly or covertly hostile |
Withdraw when feeling hurt | Attack when feeling hurt |
Be more obviously depressed | Hide their depression and act out |
Feel they were set up to fail | Feel the world is set up to fail them |
Be slowed down and nervous | Be restless and agitated |
Maintain control of anger/ May have anxiety attacks | Lose control of anger/ May have sudden attacks of rage |
Be overwhelmed by feelings | Have blunted feelings, often numb |
Let others violate boundaries | Have rigid boundaries; push others out |
Feel guilty for what they do | Feel ashamed for who they are |
Be uncomfortable receiving praise | Be frustrated if not praised enough |
Accept weaknesses and doubts | Deny weaknesses and doubts |
Fear success | Fear failure |
“Blend in” to feel safe | Try to be “top dog” to feel safe |
Use food, friends, and love to self-medicate | Use alcohol, TV, sports, and sex to self-medicate |
Believe their problems could be solved if only they could be a better… (spouse, co-worker, parent, friend) | Believe their problems could be solved if only their… (spouse, co-worker, parent, friend) would treat them better |
Wonder “Am I loveable enough?” | Wonder “Am I being loved enough?” |
These are important times for those working in healthcare. As the everyday stresses increase for everyone, we healthcare professionals have to offer guidance and support. We also have to deal with stresses in our own lives and be sure we are taking care of ourselves. Understanding the gender-specific aspects of depression can go a long way in allowing us to help others while helping ourselves.
Back Next